​What is taking so long?  When you’re going through an adoption, you get that a lot.  From your friends & family.  And from your own brain.  It doesn’t help that you have already waited so long to become parents.  And you might keep telling yourself, “Well, I’ve waited this long.” 
 
These have been the shortest 4 months of my life.  I feel like we blinked, and Jase is now more of a baby boy.  He is beautiful, and already shown us so much of his personality.
 
But, until today, we still didn’t even have custody.  Today we FINALLY got to tell the judge we wanted him to be ours forever.  Finally got to change his first name from “Baby Boy” to Jason.  Jase.  The Guardian Ad Litem (GAL) called him that, and it made my heart smile. 
 
COVID-19 obviously threw a wrench in things.  Custody should have been done 2ish months after he was born.  But, here we are. 
 
Here’s the order of how things have happened for us. 
 
Social Worker came to do initial visit
Jase was born (WOOT! WOOT!)
Natural/birth mother signed consent for Power of Attorney
We took him home when he was released from the hospital
Paperwork
More paperwork
Calls from the attorneys
Fast forward to a home study visit (most anxious day of my life)
More paperwork
Court date
 
Now we wait.  We will find out in the next couple days when our finalization hearing is.  AKA Gotcha Day!  What a party that will be!  And we’ll have a few social worker visits between now and that big day. 

But, again.  We wait.  We’ve been doing that for 7 ½ years.  So, what’s a few more months!
 
Jase is ours.  Which he has been since the moment our BM said he could be. 
 
This grubby faced boy is now a Hillman, and will be forever.  He will be taken on so many adventures, and have to deal with us being his parents.
 
Parents that sat in their living room instead of court today.  Ones that raised their right hand and promised to take care of him.  Be responsible for him.  Educate.  Love.  Care for.  I couldn’t help but get choked up during the whole “hearing.”  I use the “” because, legit….I was still in my night gown.  Not exactly the outfit I’d envisioned the first time we sat in the attorney’s office, being given the play by play.
 
Today is another good day.  A weight has been lifted.  Just like that we are solely responsible for this tiny wonder.  Jase really is a miracle.  His GAL agreed.  The judge said Jason, Jr was lucky to have us.  And we were pretty lucky to have him.  I happen to agree. 
 
One more step, buddy.  Just one more step.
 

​Mother’s Day. It’s the notorious day that seemed to elude me for so long. I have always loved it, because I LOVE spoiling my Mom and Gram.

Yet, like it is for so many of you, it has been incredibly bittersweet. Once that positive pregnancy test happens, you change. And when you are no longer pregnant. Sometimes you lose a bit of positivity with it.

But, this year. I got to join the club. I got to wonder what surprises my husband would have for me. He knew how much I’d looked forward to this weekend.

I got cards. From him, the baby, and our pup. And the most precious red balloon. I hear of Mamas getting diamonds. And each of us deserve that. But, I’m just not a jewelry girl. The baby giggles and fancy charcuterie board from my favorite caterer did me just fine.

I won’t begin to claim I am anywhere close to having this mama thing figured out. Don’t really think it is something you ever do master. You just do the best you can with each phase that comes along.

But here is what I have got, on this Mother’s Day…in no particular order.

• Know your audience. Everyone is going to have advice to give you. You can be polite, and listen to your audience. And that is ok.
• Babies do the cutest things when you’re the most tired.
• There’s nothing wrong with spending a little extra time at Target, when your hubby doesn’t tag along, and keeps the man cub.
• Hire the professional photographer. Even me…a professional photographer, can’t find the time to get my camera out to get the pictures. He’s 4 months old, and here we are.
• Babies really deserve you to be home for more than a few weeks. Extended maternity and paternity thing really needs to become the expectation in America. Thank you, quarantine.
• You child deserves 100% of what you have to give. And sometimes that means they get fed, changed, and you brush your teeth.

Happy Mother’s Day to those whose children are here…and aren’t. I see you.

'Twas the day before our walk-through, when all through the house
Not an edge existed, where bleach or cleaner had not been doused;
The blankets were folded and placed on the couch with care,
In hopes that a signed home study soon would be there;
The baby was babbling and not sleeping in his bed;
While visions of worst-case scenarios ran in Mom’s head;
And Dad in his senses, knew it would be fine,
And reassured Mom with a glass of wine.
When down in the basement there arose such a clatter,
Dad sprang from his seat to see what was the matter.
On downstairs he flew like a flash,
Tore open the door and down the stairs he dashed.
Two boxes laid in the floor no longer in their row,
A quick pick up they were back in stow,
Cinco de Mayo in quarantine made this day different this year,
People are talking about Corona, and not the beer.
Target got us a Fire extinguisher, and other things from a long list,
Lot of hard work and elbow grease, makes them know they have this.
More rapid than eagles this date came,
And Mom has whistled, cursed, and Dad has shouted, just the same
"Now, vacuum! now, dust! Now scrub and shine!
On, Comet! bye, clothes piles! Move that to the bathroom that’s mine!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! No more clutter at all!"
One more look at the forms to file.
Yes, being overprepared is just their style.
Things will go just as planned.
They’ve done everything to take care of their little man.
The social worker will see all the proof.
The stress will disappear in a poof.
As you eat your tacos and drink those margaritas with all your might,
Chips and salsa get dipped, and enjoy every bite.
“Happy Cinco Mayo to all, and say a prayer for us tonight!”